Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
