im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
