i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
