Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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