Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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