Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
