I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
