just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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