I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
