Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
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Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
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I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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