The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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