Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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