I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My vagina just recognized that song.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
