"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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