My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
