I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
