I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize