I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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