i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
