Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
