Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
