I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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