im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
