It's Friday. Sex?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
