never play flip cup with pint glasses
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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