Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Bring me that man meat
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
