I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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