I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
