I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
