"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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