happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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