Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
and you fell through a lawn chair
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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