hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
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She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
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The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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