The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
