My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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