3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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