We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
