he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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