i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
