It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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