I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
