some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
