You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
