first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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