My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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