this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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