My nipple is on Facebook.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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