the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
