Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
