Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
