you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
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MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
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I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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