You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
