All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
