I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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