Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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