My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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