Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i think i scared a bird with my dick
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He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
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Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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