smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
