he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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