I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
