omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
