dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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