I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize