The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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