She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
