K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
