Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i think my cat just said my name.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
