tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
