I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.