Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.