3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.