Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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