i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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