Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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