dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
