All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
