Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
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My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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