Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
