all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
