I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
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Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
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I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize