so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
