i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
