Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
